


Needed x Wanted

by masterofnen



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Confessions, Emotional Baggage, M/M, Post seperation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 13:50:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6081729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masterofnen/pseuds/masterofnen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gon has been touching Killua inappropriately all day...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Needed x Wanted

Gon has been touching Killua inappropriately all day. By that the ex-assassin means fingers grazing, shoulders touching, feet bumping. Mostly casual stuff, yet it’s driving Killua nuts, knowing it’s anything but casual or accidental for that matter. Once he even made it so that their hips brushed each other and that didn’t feel so casual, Killua’s mind going to static. It’s not that he doesn’t like it, so much as it’s an annoyance watching Gon try to be subtle when he’s incapable of doing so. Killua steadfastly ignores it.

The final straw comes later that evening when it’s just the two of them sharing desert in some hole in the wall restaurant in whatever city. They’re in-between places for now, exploring and training until their next move. Killua favors this city over others they’ve stayed in, though they wont be here much longer. The people are kind and wholesome while also being very fashion forward and uppity. Plus there’s always something good on the desert menu.

Tonight they share the same side of the booth despite Killua’s protests. It doesn’t make sense to sit all lopsided like that, but Gon more or less drags him in after patting the seat invitingly. Touch turns into movement when Gon slyly drops his hand onto Killua’s thigh, lightly stroking.

Killua nearly chokes on his tiramisu with extra chocolate drizzle, dropping the spoon with a clank. He peers over at Gon who’s stuffing the last bite of cake in his mouth, “Gon,” Killua starts.

Gon looks at him innocently, cake crumbs dotting the corner of his mouth, cheeks stuffed.

The waitress arrives at the table, startling Killua. Gon gives a reassuring rub, not helping. “Can I get you two a tea or coffee?”

Gon replies since Killua is unable. “Two coffees, please!”

The ex-assassin finds his voice and turns to the woman. “Make that ONE coffee and an herbal tea, please.”

Once the waitress leaves with their corrected order Gon complains, “But Killua, I was gonna ask for it decaf!”

Killua side eyes his friend. “Sure you were. Besides, I’m not going to let you have coffee this late at night, you’ll be bouncing off the walls till sunrise.”

The waitress returns setting the tea in front of Killua and the coffee Gon. They chorus a thank you and before Gon can even look down Killua switches them without spilling a drop. “Hey!” There’s no conviction in the protest. Gon removes his hand to take the mug in both hands.

Killua smirks as he brings the steamy dark brew to his lips. Gon stares at him as he does so, watching it go down with a gulp. Killua ignores him, savoring the bitter flavor.

“The waitress is pretty cute don’t you think?” Gon asks, still staring.

Killua sputters. “I didn’t notice.” He hovers over his steaming drink, avoiding eye contact with anyone and everyone, especially his best friend. “I-uh-what color hair did she have?” He doesn’t want to have to admit he doesn’t always notice when people are cute. Or that his mind can’t help but wonder what Gon finds cute in her..or anyone.

“Sheesh Killua, did you look up at her at all? Her hair is light blonde, so light it’s almost white. My favorite actually. What’s your favorite hair color, Killua?”

He can hear the cock of Gon’s head in the question, though he still can’t look. “Uhh.. I never really considered it, I guess dark brown. Black maybe.” Killua swirls his spoon around in the creamy leftovers on his plate.

“Mmm,” Gon makes a sound of interest. “What about eyes? I like blue eyes best.”

Killua can’t tell if the heat is coming off his cheeks or the coffee. “I- uh- brown again, I guess. Like coffee, but with a splash of milk.”

“Mmm, milk,” Gon’s hand returns to Killua’s thigh kneading through his shorts. “Cool, white, skin, I could just take a sip.” Killua back straightens. “What about you Killua? Do you like milk white skin too? Or wait let me guess. You like it brown, a golden sun kissed tan you wish you could kiss too.”

His white skin flares red as he drops his mug to the table with a clank.

“Killua loves brown; chocolate, coffee, hair, eyes, … me.” His fingers graze higher on his thigh. Killua can’t stand it anymore.

“Gon!” For a moment it’s all his can get out and clearly it isn’t enough to make him stop. “Y-you’ve kept this up all day, aren’t you exhausted?”

“I don’t know what Killua’s talking about.”

“The touching, Gon.”

“You mean when we brushed hands or bumped shoulders? I didn’t know that was affecting you.” Killua can’t believe it. He’s being teased. “Truth is, you’re my coffee, Killua. I don’t need anything else to get me going if I have you.” Killua doesn't speak, feeling a current of electricity run through him. Gon must feel it too. “Come on, let’s get out of here. Seems I’ve stunned you into silence,” he grins deliciously.

They pay on the way out and the moment they’re out in the cool night air Killua’s first instinct is to spark up and run off at god speed. Gon, likely sensing this, latches onto his hand right away. Killua looks down at their clamped hands with wide eyes, as if Gon’s the one able to shock him.

He laughs, amused. “Don’t act so astounded, it’s not like we’ve never held hands before.”

Killua hides his gaze under his thick, messy bangs as he thinks about those times. He’s perfectly happy never bringing them up, choosing to savor those moments in seclusion, pretending they didn’t happen even while they were. It was difficult admitting how much he loved falling asleep with Gon’s warm hand in his, treasuring the way their fingers held snugly together. They even shared a kiss once, late at night in the dark. Killua was on the brink of sleep when their lips touched. Gon had felt him grin ever so slightly and deepened it a bit. The sweetness of it lingered in his dreams. Killua didn’t remember the kiss until later the next day when they were training. The thought made him happy, but he was reluctant to acknowledge it or initiate more. He wasn’t sure what he felt, though he should have known Gon wouldn’t feel the same. Should have known he’d want more.

The streets are cramped yet cozy with people finishing dinner and walking hand in hand despite the time nearing midnight. They hardly stand out, yet Killua can’t keep the flush from his cheeks. This city has felt alive in ways others don’t, that’s what he’s noticed at least. Around every turn and in every piazza there are people trying to get you to buy something lovely -and cheap- for your partner or watch a magic act that has a clever, though not well concealed, trick. History seeps from the seams, buildings made by the hands of people who haven’t existed in centuries, art, indulging smells, and foreign chatter constantly filling his senses.

“Killua?” Gon’s tone changes here. Walking back to their hotel still connected at the hands, he asks, “Do you like me?”

“I feel like it should be obvious.” Killua makes an effort to look him in the eye.

“It’s not to me. You don’t show interest in anyone. I want to make sure you care about that kind of stuff. I don’t want you to feel like you have to like me if you don’t like anyone, really Killua it would be fine. I’m happy just being around you, we don’t even have to hold hands or—”

Killua sees he’s going to ramble until he speaks up. He’s starting to feel badly anyway and the moment Gon pulls his hand away he knows it’s time. “D-don’t lose confidence,” he mumbles, reaching out and taking Gon’s hand back, interlacing their fingers. “And thank you, Gon. I’m happy just being around you too, but holding hands is n-nice, I guess. I-I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else.”

Gon’s face lights up and before Killua can blink he’s whipped down an alleyway. It’s dark away from the city lights and he wonders how Gon knows where to go, darting down seemingly random paths. After a few minutes they end up where it doesn’t seem people really venture to, all shops are a good few minutes walk away. There is one thing, a fountain. It’s run dry making it seem long forgotten, pearly pink and white marbled stone exposed. It seems someone has come and placed candles all around inside and lit them. A female figure poses in the mouth of a clam, her body exposed. There’s script etched in stone he can’t make sense of, different from what he’s been hearing people speak.

Shadow and light play across their features as they turn to face each other.

“What is this place?” Killua asks.

Gon shrugs, “I just found it one night.”

“One night? What do you mean? Where was I?”

“Sleeping,” he answers sheepishly.

“Wha-? You mean you weren’t sleeping too? Bu-but we always fall asleep together… and you wake up before me!” Killua takes a couple steps back, eyes glowing in disbelief.

Gon smiles, stepping forward into the shadows with him. “Lately, I can’t seem to sleep when I’m next to you. I thought holding hands would help, but— the more we touched the more restless I got. I started to leave after the first night I didn’t sleep a wink. I thought I was being creepy, lying there awake while you slept, trying not to stare…”

Killua gulps.

“Fresh air helped and then I found this. It was all lit up like I was meant to find myself here. I was able to get some shut eye right here,” he points to the ground and Killua wants to scream. “Then all I could think about was how I wanted to bring you here and how I wanted to be by your side.”

“Why would you wanna bring me here?” he asks, a little self-conscious. He tries to catch himself. “You’re wrong if you think I wanna nap here too, weirdo, we rented a bed for a reason.”

Gon laughs, rubbing his neck. “I don’t know. This place just feels full of love.” When Killua doesn’t say anything (there might have been a breathy baka) Gon takes both of his hands, swinging them a bit. “I’m sorry, Killua. I’m being selfish. I just really want to sleep again. But mostly I want to sleep with you…”

Killua hears the soft intake of his own breath.

“What about the waitress?”

“What about her?”

“She’s cute…”

“Please. She’s a fake.”

Killua raises his eyebrows at the raven haired boy. Gon looks pointedly at Killua’s hair. “Roots.”

“Pfff, you’re ridiculous.”

“I have my tastes,” he says, grinning. “That’s why I want to know, Killua. Do you like me? Do you like it when I hold your hand? Does it excite you for even a moment when we bump into each other?”

A real response still isn’t coming to him, but he refuses to break eye contact which satisfies Gon enough for him to continue.

“Do you remember when I kissed you?” he asks hopefully. Killua nods. “Did you like it? I felt you grin, Killua, I think you liked it, that’s why I pressed harder. I wanted more, so much more, but I could tell you were content. Tell me, Killua, do you feel content now?” Gon takes a step forward releasing one of his hands to find his cheek. “If I kissed you, just like this,” Gon speaks softly, smoothly landing a light kiss on his lips, “would it be enough?”

For the first time Killua feels like it isn’t. Being with Gon in the past was enough. They trained together, fought against difficult enemies, and beat death a time or two. Just being alive with him is enough. But right now… with the whisper of words sending shock waves through him, now that it’s all out in the open, Killua isn’t sure.

Gon drops his hand and pulls back to search his eyes. He was right earlier. Killua does love brown; he loves sweet chocolate and bitter coffee, he loves Gon’s caramel eyes and golden skin deepened in the candle light. Killua takes both of his hands, pulling out the one still clamped in Gon’s, and there’s a flash of regret in those beautiful eyes he loves. Surprise seeps into Gon’s eyes as he reaches his own cool white hands up between, pale hands latching onto his tanned jaw, bringing him back to his lips for something much more.

Although Gon is the one to initiate everything that day, he’s slow on the uptake. Killua parts his lips as encouragement and it’s all Gon needs. He puts his hands on his waist, tugging Killua even closer, before encircling them around his waist.

Their tongues explore each other, scraping over teeth, the heat of their closeness making Killua flush.

“Gon.”

“Hmm.”

“I like kissing you.”

“A lot?”

“Mm, yes, you greedy brat.”

Gon releases a deep noise as he drifts from the small of his back to his bottom, palming it with thick, warm hands. Killua sharply inhales when the hands don’t stop there, grazing the skin along the backside of his upper thighs. A moment later they are gentle anymore. Gon grasps him roughly, pulling toward him and knocking Killua’s weight out from beneath him. He would’ve fallen if it wasn’t Gon’s intention to lift him up into his arms.

Killua looks down at him as he’s pushed against the wall with a grunt. Gon really is beautiful, a collection of all his favorite things. Gon extends his neck to continue kissing, becoming frustrated when Killua doesn’t meet him halfway.

“Killua,” he whines.

“I’m looking, okay,” he says wrapping his legs tightly around his waist, “chill for a minute.”

“I can’t.. Killuuua.”

He chuckles pushing around the raven’s hair. “Shh,” he says softly, coming back to his lips. Gon takes them eagerly.

It seems like they’ll never tire of kissing one another, though the hour eventually gets to them. Gon sinks to his knees, Killua still wrapped around him in a vise slides down the rocky wall with him

The kisses slows until they are just taking turns exchanging pecks.

“Gon.” He waits until his caramel eyes refocus on him and a conversation. “So, how is this going to help you sleep? ‘Cause I’m wired now and I don’t know if I’ll ever sleep again.”

“Maybe you should’ve had tea, like me,” Gon sticks his tongue out playfully.

“Caffeine doesn’t affect me, baka.”

“But I do.” It isn’t a question.

“But you do,” Killua replies. “I wanna know, Gon.” He presses.

Gon takes a breath holding it, fragility barely skimming his features. “I had to know if Killua was something I could have. Basically…I can’t stand only having bits and pieces of Killua. I told you, I’m being selfish. I’ve decided I want everything and that means laying it all on the line and finding out if you want the same.”

This makes Killua laugh, a lot. So much he falls back hitting his head on the edge of the fountain. “Who else’s would I be, if not yours? Every day we’ve spent together I haven't wanted to spend any other way. Every day we were separated was a day I regretted. Whether I wanted to confront it or not, the feeling has always been there. I am yours. And you are mine.”

“Even when I say embarrassing things?”

“Especially when you say embarrassing things.”

“Oh? Killua secretly likes it? You’re so beautiful when you say sweet things like that.” He beams, stealing another kiss. “You’re like that, Killua, sassy and sweet, but it’s just because you like telling it how it is. I like that you’re not fickle with me.”

Killua can’t feign how each word affects him, cheeks blazing red. “Don’t push it, Gon” He means it as a joke, but Gon shrinks away slightly again. “What’s making you self conscious, Gon?” Killua switches their position, crawling into his lap and latching onto his hands, making them twine around his waist. “It’s always been you, you know. From the moment we crossed the finish line of the first exam together. It didn’t feel like it at first, never taught to see the purpose in a partner or friend. They could fail me, or worse; I would be the one to betray them. You came along to tear down that idea. You’re the only reason I fought and won against Illumi’s manipulation.” He subconsciously messes with his bangs, brushing the place where the needle used to be. “I got to become who I wanted to be. Someone who deserved to fight by your side.”

“You always deserved that, Killua.” Then he says, “And I’m going to fight Illumi one day,” tone seamlessly changing to something more threatening.

He lets out a small laugh. “I know. Not for awhile though, okay? I need you around…” The smile falls from his lips. “And no I didn’t. You remember your date with Palm?” Killua feels him nod against his back. “That was the day I got his needle out of my head. An enemy showed up and I couldn’t fight back. I wanted to, it was all I wanted, to get the words, Run Killu, out of my head forever. There were two options, I kill them or they kill me… and you. I wasn’t the coward I knew myself to be, it was so frustrating. You were defenseless without nen, but you would’ve done more than get the shit kicked out of you, I know that. You know, I never told you this, but once you got your nen back I was going to go away. I couldn’t risk being the one to leave you behind to die one day…You were the anchor that kept me battling against the odds, against manipulation. Back when we first met, I was amazed you could keep up me with me, but over time I realized it’s truly amazing that I could keep up with you. It’s still amazing. You’re amazing, Gon.”

Killua speaks for a few minutes and once he’s finished a flush of self-awareness spreads over him. “Gon? Can you please say something before I run away, right now.”

In response Gon tightens his arms around Killua. “I wouldn’t have let you leave back then and you’re not going anywhere now,” he mumbles into his back.

Killua softens into the embrace, patiently waiting for Gon, content with being as is forever.

When Gon finally speaks it’s so soft no one but Killua would’ve been able to hear it. “I never thought I was needed.”

There’s a soft break in Killua’s heart that leaves his arms aching to be filled. He swivels around, breaking away from Gon’s arms to look at him, lifting his chin up. “You’re absurd, you know that?”

Gon shakes his head. “I hated being away from you too, Killua. Whale Island is lonely when you’ve already seen so much and know where you want to be. It’s beautiful, but it doesn’t feel like home anymore. I didn’t know where you were or if you were safe. I did know you don’t need me for that.”

Killua only shakes his head, a lump in his throat.

“When I first found out Mito lied about my dad, I couldn’t understand. Is being a hunter really so great and important family comes second? …And maybe I could’ve been okay with that. Kite made him seem like someone the world needed, as a hunter, a teacher, a friend, and that person didn’t want me around. Didn’t need me to be as great as he was.

I thought maybe there was another story I would find out once I finally became a hunter and found Ging. When we met atop world tree it was a nice feeling, accomplishing something I had dreamed of for so long and worked so hard toward. But it didn’t change anything. I wasn’t suddenly needed and wanted any more than I was before.”

“Right. Because I needed and wanted you the same as ever,” Killua interrupts. It makes Gon smile a bit, before a determined pout takes over.

“If I ever have a son I want him to know how much I want him and if he wasn’t around I wouldn’t be as strong. After everything, I don’t see how family or love could come second to hunting. The right people need to be helped and the wrong people need to be stopped, but what’s the point if the people who need you don’t feel loved?”

Tears prick at the corners of Killua’s eyes. “You’re right, Gon. And Ging’s an asshole who doesn’t deserve you. I never thought I needed to say it, but I’ll say it a million times if I have to. I need you, Gon Freecss, and even more than that, I want you.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Eventually the two boys pick themselves up from the ground and head back to the hotel. When they finally collapse into bed the sky is painted pink with the coming sunrise.

“Told you,” is all Gon says, eyes fluttering shut.

Killua pulls Gon to him, nuzzling his face into black locks. “Oh yeah?”

“Mm-hm. The only caffeine I need.”

“Hah. The crash might be my favorite part,” Killua teases lightly, attempting to tangle they bodies further.

“Make you regret saying that,” Gon says with little conviction, sleep taking over.

“Later. I’ll hold you to it.” It comes out as barely a whisper, Gon’s breath leveling out. Killua presses lips to his forehead, falling into unconsciousness with him.

 

. . .

 

 

Bonus? Bc my brain won’t stop

“Now tell me, who’s this son you speak of?”

“Killua!”

“‘Cause I know he ain’t mine.”

Gon sighs. “Don’t worry about it, he’s back on Whale Island. Aunt Mito is gonna raise him well. Probably won’t see him till he’s 18.”

“Don’t mess with me, for all I know this is some part of the spiky haired legacy. Turn twelve, pass the Hunter Exam, learn nen, defeat a big boss, so if I see one Freecss baby without my white locks attached to it—”

Gon stops him with a kiss. Killua can’t argue against it as a distraction technique. “Say it again, what you said before.” The ink haired boy pulls back grinning, a twinkle in his eyes.

“What part? I say tons of stuff worth repeating.” Killua goes in for another.

“The part about me being yo—” Killua stops him. He kisses Gon as deeply as he can before pulling away slightly to say against swollen lips. “You are mine.” Kiss. “And I am yours.” Kiss.

Gon pulls Killua’s bottom lip into his mouth, taking a small bite. “The ‘I am yours’ part woulda been enough.”

“You selfish lil-,” Killua replies breathily, “I’m yours….I’m yours…I’m yours,” looking into his eyes each time he pulls back from the kiss to say, “I’m yours.”

“Mmm.” Gon nearly melts beneath him. “You’re mine,” he says, effectively ending the conversation.

**Author's Note:**

> What the heckle is this corny shit........  
> ahhhhhhh no really I hope you liked it!!!  
> YES they were in Rome..their version of it as least. Imagery/scenery def isn't the first thing I write so hopefully it wasn't confusing. I imagine the fountain Gon found to be for Venus, the goddess of love and beauty herself.  
> One of the things I loved best about Rome was the treasures you find just wandering around /anywhere/ and I know Gon wouldn't end up lost af all the time like me and find something really cool. 
> 
> Y'all are the best! Talk to me on tumblr @masterofnen ^.^


End file.
